While it can be difficult not to take the words and actions of a loved one personally, this can lead to higher levels of stress. Learning how to manage BPD in a relationship and how to cope with BPD is important, and there are some key behaviours to look out.
BPD in relationships can be challenging, but it's also important to take care of yourself when caring for someone with BPD in order to avoid burning out or becoming too stressed. Talking to someone with BPD can be testing at times, as their disorder can distort the messages they hear and those they try to express. It is important to remember that there is no magic cure. A person with BPD is likely to react the first time boundaries are put in place.
So make sure that you are both calm when talking about boundaries for the first time. Talk about things other than the disorder. Discussions about light subjects can help to diffuse the conflict between you and may encourage your loved one to discover new interests or resume old hobbies. If you believe your loved one is at an immediate risk for suicide Do NOT leave the person alone.
One of the most effective ways to help a loved one with BPD gain control over their behavior is to set and enforce healthy limits or boundaries. Setting limits can help your loved one better handle the demands of the outside world, where schools, work, and the legal system, for example, all set and enforce strict limits on what constitutes acceptable behavior.
Establishing boundaries in your relationship can replace the chaos and instability of your current situation with an important sense of structure and provide you with more choices about how to react when confronted by negative behavior.
Setting boundaries is not a magic fix for a relationship, though. In fact, things may initially get worse before they get better. The person with BPD fears rejection and is sensitive to any perceived slight. But, remaining firm and standing by your decisions can be empowering to you, benefit your loved one, and ultimately transform your relationship. Decide what behavior you will and will not tolerate from the person and make those expectations clear.
Even if this is the case with your loved one, you can still offer support, improve communication, and set boundaries while continuing to encourage your friend or family member to seek professional help.
BPD therapies, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy DBT and schema-focused therapy, can help your loved one work through their relationship and trust issues and explore new coping techniques. In therapy, they can learn how to calm the emotional storm and self-soothe in healthy ways.
Your partner may more readily agree to this and eventually consider pursuing BPD therapy in the future. Encourage your loved one to explore healthy ways of handling stress and emotions by practicing mindfulness and employing relaxation techniques such as yoga, deep breathing, or meditation.
Sensory-based stimulation can also help them to relieve stress in the moment. Again, you can participate in any of these therapies with your loved one, which can strengthen your bond and may encourage them to pursue other avenues of treatment as well.
By developing an ability to tolerate distress, your loved one can learn how to press pause when the urge to act out or behave impulsively strikes. Change can and does happen but, as with reversing any kind of behavior pattern, it takes time. Authors: Melinda Smith, M. DSM Library. American Psychiatric Association, Choi-Kain, Lois W.
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